The Myth, The Legend, The Starship Captain

[scarfman]

Over on multi_genre_fan it was asked how many Star Trek episodes there are when Captain Kirk doesn't get laid or even get kissed. Misunderstanding the question, or at least approaching it laterally, I responded:

Given the circumspect way that these things were handled on television in the 60s in the first place, you can argue that Kirk had sex in hardly any episode but The Paradise Syndrome when he fathered a child. It's strongly implied, but only strongly implied, in Wink of an Eye when a scene starts with Kirk putting his boots on; or in Bread and Circuses when the Proconsul gives Kirk what he calls "one last night as a man" or something like that. But those women seduced him. It can be argued that Kirk never had sex with a woman of his own volition during an episode or movie, and I know a K/Ser who does argue it most convincingly.

The original poster said I'd missed the point; the question wasn't just about sex, and its focus wasn't when he did get some but when he didn't.

How many episodes did he not even make out in? Off the top of my head, not a complete list: Man Trap, Where No Man Has Gone Before, The Trouble With Tribbles, Space Seed, Balance of Terror, The Corbomite Maneuver, The Doomsday Machine, Journey to Babel, Naked Time, Return of the Archons, The Savage Curtain, all of the movies but Undiscovered Country, The Omega Glory, Amok Time, Wolf in the Fold, The Changeling, The Tholian Web, ... That's 21 out of 84 (including movies), thought of just in the time it took me to type so much, and without an episode list in front of me.

So, when didn't he? I bet, half or most of the time.

Comments

[redneckgaijin.livejournal.com]

Using my "Nitpicker's Guide for Classic Trekkers" as a reference, no Kirk nookie, no matter how you stretch, in:

First Season: The Man Trap (unless you count a creature trying to drain you of salt as "third base"), Charlie X, Where No Man has Gone Before, The Naked Time (you'd think, wouldn't you? Nope- all he can do is mope about his ship), Miri, The Corbomite Maneuver, The Menagerie, Balance of Terror, Shore Leave (well, not until after the end credits, anyhow), The Galileo Seven, The Squire of Gothos, Arena, Tomorrow is Yesterday, Court-Martial, The Return of the Archons, Space Seed, A Taste of Armageddon, This Side of Paradise (that was -Spock- getting lucky in that one), The Devil in the Dark, Errand of Mercy, The Alternative Factor (evil thought- Lazarus-Lazarus slash), Operation Annihilate!

Second Season: Amok Time (Spock again), Who Mourns for Adonais?, The Changeling, The Doomsday Machine, Metamorphosis, Journey to Babel, Friday's Child (at least I hope not!!), The Deadly Years, Obsession, Wolf in the Fold (Scotty comes close, but...), The Trouble with Tribbles, A Piece of the Action (what? No moll? Nope.), The Immunity Syndrome, The Omega Glory, The Ultimate Computer, Assignment: Earth

Third Season: The Enterprise Incident (Spock yet again!), And the Children Shall Lead, Is There in Truth No Beauty (Medusans make excellent chaperones), Spectre of the Gun, Day of the Dove (I don't care what you argue, I just don't think so), For the World is Hollow and I have Touched the Sky (McCoy this time), The Tholian Web, Plato's Stepchildren (not going there), The Empath, Whom Gods Destroy, Let That Be Your Last Battlefield, That Which Survives (talk about a fatal attraction!), The Lights of Zetar, The Way to Eden, The Savage Curtain, All Our Yesterdays (Spock yet again!)

Movies: The Motion Picture, The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock, The Final Frontier, Generations

So, even giving the possible shows every benefit of the doubt, five out of seven movies with Kirk and 54 out of 78 TV episodes have no real opportunity for even a cuddle, never mind anything that might have violated Standards and Practices.

Which still leaves two movies (I'm -really- stretching it for The Voyage Home) and 24 episodes that I can't eliminate from the list from memory, where Kirk -might- have got a piece. In most cases the odds are still REALLY low, though.

(I do this because I'm sick and need something to do that doesn't involve too much movement. Cold meds make me dizzy.)

[scarfman]

Wow.

Would you like to export your count to multi_genre_fan at the post originally asking the question?