Seeing 1/1; the Doctor, Martha; G

[scarfman]

Title: Seeing 1/1
Author: scarfman
Characters/Pairing: the Doctor, Martha
Rating: G
Setting (spoilers through): end of The Doctor's Daughter
Disclaimer: This work is derivative of property of the BBC. No profit shall be made and no market of the owner(s) is infringed upon.
Betareader: qtrhorserider
Summary: Martha has come to terms with the downside of her time aboard the TARDIS.
Inspired by persiflage_1's Zero She Flies. Somehow. I don't know what the causality was between this and that, but something drove me to get down the first pass at this while I was still partly through that. Then more dialog kept coming, so I kept writing until something like a conclusion came on. Then Martha's line about cruelty came to me and I had to rewrite the story from that point into a monologue for her.
crossposted scarfman dwfiction lifeonmartha

---

Martha woke up in her old room in the TARDIS for the first time in a year, to find the Doctor sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed, watching her. "Doctor?"

"Good morning."

"Is something wrong with me?"

"Oh, no, nonononono. Nothing I know of."

"Then why are you watching over me?" Martha asked, clutching the bedclothes even though she had on a pair of pyjamas. She'd only agreed to a bath and an eight-hour shift of sleep after they'd left Messaline because she'd been awake eighteen or twenty subjective hours since the TARDIS had landed at the Atmos factory, and she was due at a family do where she wanted to be awake. "'Cos it's just a little creepy."

The Doctor smiled wistfully. "You told me once that I don't see you. I'm just trying to correct that.

"Because you're right. I didn't see you. I didn't look at you. I paid you hardly any attention at all. And still I came away knowing that you're brilliant, brave, maybe the most reliable person I ever had traveling with me. Rather makes me wonder what else I'll find now that I do look, is all."

Martha smiled. "Thanks." There was a silence almost long enough for discomfort, but just as the Doctor was about to speak Martha said, "Do you know what was the cruelest thing you did to me?"

The Doctor's face fell, as Martha had know it would when she came out with this subject. But the rhetorical question served its purpose: he fell silent and nodded for her to continue.

"It was on New New Earth when you told me about Gallifey."

"But ... but I opened up to you," the Doctor stammered. It was as difficult for him to speak of it as it had been for him to do it. "I thought that was what you wanted."

"I did. But then I was left thinking that that was how it'd be from then on."

The Doctor fell silent again.

Martha settled comfortably against the headboard behind her. "I don't know what it is - Gallifreyan neurology, Time Lord enculturation, just your own nature ... but there's something in you that won't allow you to be intimate with another person. I wager you never actually told Rose how you felt about her."

The expression on the Doctor's face now was painful to look at.

"I'm sorry to say these things. But the reason I've brought them up is because I want you to know that I'm okay with them now. I appreciate you for who you are, and not who I wanted you to be. 'Cos I see now you weren't the only one of us doing that."

She was rewarded with a tinge of hopefulness glinting around the edges of the Doctor's eyes.

"Now I'm not going to come with you and Donna. I've just had enough. I'm still working through it all. When I talk to Donna about it I half scare her to death. I don't mean to, but I can't help myself.

"But I think I know you now. Even the things you can't say. I know you really don't expect me to come along. You know I have a fantastic life, and that's exactly what you always say you wish for all your former traveling companions. I know you only keep asking so that I'll know you wish I would.

"Whatever else I may say about it - however I might feel now, or in the future, even if I never set foot in the TARDIS again - I'll never regret the time I did spend here and I will always value the lessons I learned and the time I spent with you.

"Now, shoo, so I can get dressed."

By the time she'd finished, the Doctor had a small, genuine smile on. Then he stood, patted the bedclothes where her knee was, tossed one last grin - for now - over his shoulder and swept out of the room.

fin

Comments

[mojitochica]

"But I think I know you now. Even the things you can't say. I know you really don't expect me to come along. You know I have a fantastic life, and that's exactly what you always say you wish for all your former traveling companions. I know you only keep asking so that I'll know you wish I would.

"Whatever else I may say about it - however I might feel now, or in the future, even if I never set foot in the TARDIS again - I'll never regret the time I did spend here and I will always value the lessons I learned and the time I spent with you.
*sniffle*

"Now, shoo, so I can get dressed."
Lol!

I loved Dialogs, Anniversary, and now this. I wish you would write more often!

[scarfman]

Thanks. I do too, actually.

[box-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

Nice meta-as-fiction. :)

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

Whoa ! One of my fics inspired someone else? Don't think that's happened too often...

Nicely done...

[scarfman]

Once I'd mostly finished this I went back and looked your story over again, and concluded that what my muse wanted to do was rebut you. The theme of mine is pretty contradictory to the theme of yours, don't you think? Or does it just seem that way because you have Martha reboarding the TARDIS occasionally while I have her firmly ensconced at home?

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

It is definitely a contrast - but one that works nicely, I think...

[radiantbaby.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. :)

Teasing Doctor

[syreene.livejournal.com]

That was rather unfair of him, wasn't it? He opens up to her more than many other Companions, then BAM! Closes up tighter than a clam for the rest of the season...

Lovely story. ^_^

Re: Teasing Doctor

[scarfman]

Exactly. I had all sorts of hopes for the Doctor for the balance of the season when he did that, and they all went wanting.

Re: Teasing Doctor

[syreene.livejournal.com]

Ah well... that's what fanfiction is for, right? We get to make up for the mistakes the writers make...and boy does Rusty make some, lol. ^_~

[canuck-kat.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! Definitely something now-grown-up Martha would say.